Re: What Worries Me More is Me
Oh hello, cliffhanger from the last post. No time like the present to address the statement “What worries me more is me,” since Megs is driving, NPR is humming quietly and I’ve got this laptop in my lap.
Megs and I have been doing some talking — shock of shocks, I know — and she pointed something out to me that only a producer watching me on date after date can do: she noted that even if I’m not into a guy, I’m still sending signals that scream Heck yeah, cowboy! Though in my head I may not be interested in a man, from my body language to my conversational responses, I’m still telling him I am.
Whoops.
Apparently, showing a little too much kindness on a date can be wildly misinterpreted. Which makes sense — how can you know what I’m thinking if I don’t tell you, either by using my words or by letting my actions speak loud and clear?
So my new goal has been to present a much more neutral front, and to not let my physical movements lead dates astray. Don’t look him in the eye quite so much. Don’t cross my legs toward him or lean into him (even if I cannot hear…just ask him to repeat himself. I say pardon? quite nicely if you ask me). Smile a little less (I had this problem as a teacher too. Literally, more than one other instructor told me to smile less and make the students earn it. Maybe I need to make the dates earn it?). Let’s see how this goes.
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Your post reminds me of a time in college when my girlfriend was instructed – by a school counselor! – to approach a random stranger and ask him out on a date. The stated purpose was to boost her self-confidence. The counselor told her it didn’t matter whether she actually liked the guy or not . And, apparently, it also didn’t matter that she was dating me at the time. As rationally as possible, I tried to make the point that this random stranger would not understand the convoluted situation (especially his own marginal and demeaning role in the whole charade), and that he very likely would misconstrue her “interest” as something genuine and meaningful: “This charming, attractive, self-confident woman wants to date ME? How did I get so lucky?” In the end, I figured, some poor guy’s feelings would be hurt when the truth of the situation became known – and/or my girlfriend might gain a brooding stalker. I later learned that the counselor got into some trouble for serially dating a good number of the female students whom he had counseled. (So, do you think he might have had a motive for causing friction in their existing relationships, hmmm?)
[…] human being in, or if I just wasn’t that into S, I stopped leaning in to hear him and tried to alter my body language and facial expressions, wishing to anyone up above who had a second to listen that S read my […]