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0 + 8 – 17(2) ≤ Up

You guys. Were you as disappointed in me as I was about the whole expired equines experience from my last post? That hazy memory shakes me in my core, from my clavicle down to my hip bones, my kidneys and colon and liver all quake about. Reliving that memory is like going all the way […]

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More Dead Horses

I notice my last few sparkly threads of self respect straying from the forearm of my sweater as I take my infiniteth sip of beer. Conversation happens at me and I know the words won’t be remembered come morning on either end. We’re strangers pretending to be friends. I press the finely coarse threads between forefinger […]

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Exit Survey

It has been a while since you left, and we here at Post Script Alicia Inc are anxious to hear your feedback! Please take a moment to fill out this form so we can improve our performance for future clients. Your response matters to us, and we appreciate your honesty and participation. 1. Were your […]

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Best “No More Dates, Thanks!” Line

And then the datingverse surprises you. Like when your Tinder date winds up being a guy who lives in your building and whom you shared an elevator with this morning but didn’t recognize as each other’s date for that night and walks you to your door after two drinks at local watering holes, gives you a brotherly […]

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The Clumsy Fade Away

Of all the methods of saying “No more dates, thanks!” or “Peace out!” I think we can agree that the fade away ranks up there in terms of scheiss-ty ways one breaks off a whatever two-ish dates with the same person is. That said, when done appropriately (see the link for acceptable times and places), I […]

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The Self-Esteem Formula

In my childhood, tweens, teens, college years, grad school years, and young adulthood, I never thought I was very pretty. Or funny. Or smart. Or interesting. Or worth much at all. Teachers told me I was talented. Friends laughed at my jokes. But I had the Angela Chase syndrome of feeling everything yet feeling plain […]

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A List of Qualities

Back at the tender age of 19, I decided to make a list of qualities I wanted in a partner. A hope chest on college-ruled paper. I wish I could remember what informed this choice – was I emulating my social circle? Perhaps I felt I needed reminding so I could stay the course (you’ll […]

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Scene From After the Party

“Hey about what you said earlier.” He began with his back to me and mine to him. Our bodies were still shifting under the gray-bird comforter, struggling to relax after a night so long it was morning. “Which part?” I replied. I’d let him get away with so much during our fauxlationship, but this was […]

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Scene From a Bar

“What’re you writing?” He slurs at me, planting half his butt on the stool next to mine, his standing leg awkwardly close to my hip. I tilt away from him, putting my swimmer’s shoulder between us, and counter the move with a small smile. Striking a balance between kindness without being misleading is not my […]

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Feigned Indifference

I pretend not to react when I catch sight of his hairline just past mid-neck. When I imagined this scenario, I’d assumed it would be his gray-green eyes I’d be avoiding, not the familiar curve of his glasses tucked just over his ear. Immediately I remember feeling the nubs of the tortoiseshell frames under my […]

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