Ed note: to be read while listening to We Are Waiters. And The Enthusiast. Ooo, and Color Surround. Actually, maybe just listen to all eleven songs…This week as it rained cats and dogs, I arrived home quite damp, but to a freshly flannel sheeted bed (a favor I did for future me that morning) and lay down to the pattering pattern of showers, choosing to spend the start of my evening with guided meditation. I fell into a trance, somewhere in the crease of wake and sleep. Then I got up, made a simple meal, and let myself find my preferred meditative state: being deep in thought, in myself.
Our capabilities as humans astonish me.
Unconditional love in the face of seemingly insurmountable circumstances. Carelessness. Deceit. Compassion.
We are capable of wanting something for so long, getting it, then changing our mind and wanting something else instead, even resenting our initial desire as we turn our back on it. We are capable of hoping. Of waiting. Of faith in the unfathomable.
We are capable of sonnets.
It is possible that after 31 years to somehow know ourselves even less than we did after 15 years. We are capable of hiding our true selves, tucking that person away so tightly they are even a mystery to us. We are capable of changing all of this in seconds. Nanoseconds, even. Or during a conversation with a stranger.
Joy-laden ebullience. We are capable of skylark states. Of flying. Of breaking plates and saying sorry, only to realize apologies don’t change the damage. Of repeating our recklessness. Of pennants. Of surfing.
You or I have the potential to be our worst self. And we have the potential to be our best self. And it’s up to us to choose one or the other despite emotions, despite feelings, despite circumstances. We are capable of lacking grace, of being toxic and noxious to the people we love dearly and to a unexpecting train passenger alike.
We are capable of expecting without a reason for that expectation. Overcoming the hand we are dealt. Circumstance. Perseverance. Reliving our own memories with other people, alone.
We are capable of our past. And we are capable of our future.
Our capabilities as humans astound me.