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Let me just say this: Ohio’s date tried to woo me by performing his very own rap with the line Always, like a maxi pad while playing accompaniment on his accordion. And that’s seriously all I’m going to say because Lord, goodness and Joss Whedon know you need to watch the movie and witness the footage of all the other epic fails of this date.

What I am going to talk about in regards to Ohio is our completely rad homestay couple, Kristin and Eric. As Megan and I stumbled into their apartment, drunk on the stupor that was our evening, we put down our equipment and Megs said, “She needs alcohol. Now.” Perhaps Megan mentioned this because she witnessed firsthand the horrors of Ohio, or perhaps because she witnessed my reaction which, in the safety of Huckleberry Fit, was cursing to a degree that would make a sailor not only blush, but hide his ears under his pillow and pray to never hear the F-bomb in any circumstance again.

Kristin grabbed the glass, Eric the bourbon, me the couch.

At first, I couldn’t speak. I just gulped whilst Megan attempted to re-enact the date. Eric poured me a second glass and as it seemed we were not getting the point across, Megan pulled out the footage and we all watched in absolute horror as the train wreck of a date went from bad to horrendous to state-declared disaster zone. Kristin covered her dropped jaw with her palm, and Eric had to leave the room until this raw showing was over.

And then, we talked.

Kristin and Eric are both English and writing professors. Thus, they are as all good professors are: critically thinking beings who argue passionately, discuss professionally and chatter lively. What ensued was not so much a statement about my date’s character, but rather, my reaction to his character. Why, they wanted to know, did I not tell him he was being a complete dickwad, stand up, throw my drink in his face and leave? A good question. Ohio certainly deserved it based on what he said about my looks, my producer, his own serving staff, his cooking staff and former high school instructors.

But it’s not in my nature to make someone, even a first class crunchberry, feel badly about themselves. What if Mr. Ohio had gone home and hurt himself based on my actions? What if he had lost faith in humanity? And maybe, just maybe, I was being overly sensitive. I can handle frustration, pain, shame and someone making a fool of themselves. Could he?

Kristin immediately jumped in lady-defense, asking what I’d tell another woman in my shoes. Would I want her to think she had to stay on the date to be polite? Was I making a statement to womankind that it’s okay to accept someone who is a buffoon in order to keep his ego intact?

At this point we were arguing for the sake of arguing, grinning and giggling as we went at it at 2:00 a.m. Like overzealous graduate students, we couldn’t stop talking (or drinking); but we never managed to reach a conclusion.

So who do I want to be? The girl who bears with a jerkface just to be polite? Or the girl who can stand up for herself and say no when situations go sour?

8 Responses so far.

  1. Maybe he was a buffoon because you are dating in fifty states and he knows he didn’t have a chance to be your husband. Maybe you wasn’t being polite but get footage for your documentary. We stay in bad situation (must the time) because we are still intrigued by the outcome. You may have understand his side and want to know more. You seem like an introvert, that need to know not assume. Would you stay on every bad date? I would think no, so you must have stayed on this one for your own personal reasons. “There aren’t any victims, just questions looking to be answered” AB…. interesting post, hope you are truly searching for love not just trying to complete a state, because if so what’s the point????

  2. Seems to me that the girl you may want to be (in real life) – standing up for yourself when things go sour – also innately understood the importance of gathering compelling footage for your film.

  3. Erin says:

    I have no answers to your questions, but I REALLY want to know the details of this date! Can’t wait to see…

  4. j says:

    I know you would have stopped the date if he ever stepped over the line sexually or acted racist or something.

    So I imagine this is mostly just good old fashioned buffonerry and hopefully will make for some mild schadenfreude. It seems like it going to be an important demonstration for some men to see how not to act on a date (especially if you are being filmed!)

    You are highly educated and erudite in your subjects. Don’t doubt your academic prowess!

  5. […] our road trip took a detour to the ER. Maybe it was the ice cream and sprinkles. Perhaps it was the accordion. More likely, it was life doing what life does best: moonlighting as banal until you’ve let your […]

  6. […] and being respectful and kind toward myself while with Mr. Delaware. I certainly had moments of “What would Kristin and Eric say?” leaping through my brain. Would I be letting down womankind and daters everywhere if I didn’t […]


    Be the latter…

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