The Universe Has Been Good to Me

I’ve asked a lot from the universe over the past 365 days. I asked for self forgiveness, which I quickly learned was tied deeply to appreciating myself and recognizing a whole slew (with sesame seeds!) of internal conflicts and beliefs that inhibited me from accepting the thing I wanted most: to believe in unconditional love, and to allow it to be possible.

I asked to forget and was granted intricate work situations that took my mind away from anything other than the task at hand. I asked for a replacement, and details down to the name were replicated in what was given. I asked for revival and was handed dazzlingly good kissers who made stars explode in my eyes. And I asked for proof that it was possible to feel again, and was offered a fauxlationship with glimmers of that ability all around the edges of us before he moved away.

And in between all the asking and receiving, there was certainly plenty of other life going on. Writing. Drinking. Dancing. Reading. Volunteering. Exploring. Hiking. Dreaming. Sleeping. Photographing. Noticing. Listening. Moving. Which I think is how you receive anything. You ask, sometimes until your heart screams a tune like a metal band lead singer, and you keep walking forward.

Yet I never sat down and asked for what I really wanted. The one thing I wasn’t supposed to hope for.

My friend Jesse would tell me that this, right here, would be an example of me continuing to stand in my own way. That being afraid to ask the question is what hinders us in the first place. Jesse would look me in the eye and tell me that we are the universe, that I have a good heart, and that as I am allowed to ask for whatever it is I want.

So. Here goes.

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