Alicia here. Not too long after our first date, Dr. P invited me out again, and this time even offered to come to my side of the bay. Admittedly, I was still chatting with Adam and holding textversations with North Carolina, Dallas and Utah but those guys, much as I enjoyed our correspondence and the continued chemistry and interest, were indeed far away (though in Adam’s case, he was merely emotionally far away). With my lack of funds for plane tickets and their holiday schedules, it seemed ridiculous not to try and date a local guy.
Which leads me to an aside. I have a theory about casual dating rooted in a weird simile about cooking (weird because I don’t think it has much to do with actual culinary arts). I have never found falling hard and fast in with one person ever to be a good idea. If you put all the heat on one pot, and obsess over it, your own flame is either going to scald you or forget to boil. Instead, I prefer to have all the burners going at once, with varying degrees of fire. Attend to all the pots and pans instead of fixating on just one. And voila: sanity in the datingverse.
Anyway, back to Dr. P. After he sent me a few funny drunk texts one evening (not super charming normally, but as finals had just wrapped up I was willing to overlook it) and we had some rapid fire exchanges another sober afternoon, we met up again this time at a pub in the East Bay. Much like our first date, we laughed, we chatted, and he walked me to my car at the end of the evening (me much less embarrassed about my car situation this time). And just like our first date, he texted me to let me know he had a good time.
Over the next few days we engaged in a long conversation about the Boys 2 Men/New Kids on the Block/98 Degrees reunion tour known as The Package, and Dr. P even created a play list of some of the bands top hits because you know…nothing says flirting like On Bended Knee (which incidentally is the song my junior high crush with a rhyming name asked me to dance to, so um, not the first time flirting was initiated over said track).
And then, he fell off the grid entirely. I have to admit, I barely noticed at first as I was busy with my “other burners” and had picked up a short-term freelance writing project. Eventually I did wonder if he was okay, though unfortunately in social dating norms it is never kosher to ask someone that because it sounds like you’re fishing for them to come back to you. So I took a deep breath, hoped he was still alive and in tact because he seemed pretty nice, and didn’t think too much about it. Probably had nothing to do with me.
I definitely think the “multiple burner” technique mixed with everything I learned/endured during 50/50 made Dr. P’s vanishing act the non-event it rightly was.
It’s sort of funny though…guys hate when girls are flaky and cancel or don’t show up to a first date (or won’t commit to a first date in the first place). And women hate it when men vamoose, really just another form of flaking. Seems like both genders are notorious for flaking, but at entirely different moments.