State By State

When things get rough and tumble in my head around the idea of scheduling and getting it all done, I remind myself of the fact that Anne Lamott dedicated the entire title to her book to how to approach an overwhelming sense of everythingness: bird by bird. State by state works too, as does Meg’s standard response when I ask with a trace of hysteria, How are you feeling about X,Y, and Z?: “Just another Tuesday.”*

As post-trip reality set in, I had a realization. I felt like I was juggling one heck of a lot. I’d gone from daily purpose, a constant set of must-dos and often an orderly sense (even our chaos was organized quickly so as to be managed). And now? I may as well have been juggling thirty-six sushi knives, seventeen wooden bowling pins, a kangaroo and some stinging nettles. Faux dates with long distance guys who were being chatted with but weren’t quite attainable (remember that slightly bananas list from last time?), local friends and family who I’d not focused on while away and I wanted to spend quality time with them, casual dating in California (why not?), apartment hunting, and attempting to plan for Alaska and Hawaii, getting over the whole Adam debacle (why does the brain heal faster than the heart?) and right, my health going kattywompos.

Right, the health thing. See, just after the first of the year I found myself in side pain again, the same kind that had triggered the need for an ER visit in Pennsylvania. Awake all night, I’d watched movies like “When Harry Met Sally” and at 7am called my doctor to get an appointment. One doc appointment, one CT scan, one urologist appointment and one renal scan later, the scope of the issue was realized: most likely, we were looking at a kidney obstruction which had caused flooding in my kidney which had caused damage to kidney function.

And Utah had been in town on business and we’d gone on a few more dates. Plus when news of my health came he had flowers delivered to my doorstep.

Bird by bird, the more rational side of me whispered. State by state. 

AUGH!!! AUGH!!!! the more irrational side of me screamed. HOLY BOLOGNA! HOLY BATBELLS! HOLY GRAVYCAKES! 

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*Pretty sure Buffy the Vampire Slayer said something like this too…And pretty sure my long-forgotten about Livejournal had a “Must be Tuesday” profile picture. Megs = Buffy?

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